


Love is a verb

by pfeifferpack



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 23:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13282341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfeifferpack/pseuds/pfeifferpack
Summary: “I was HERE when Buffy was soakin’ up her just reward. Where were you?” Love means many things to many people but can love without action truly be love?Eventually Season 6 before Smashed in a kinder, happier version where Buffy and Spike are still in the friends zone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Original show characters and the town of Sunnydale rights remain with Joss  
> Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the writers of the original episodes/books, and the TV and production companies responsible for the original television shows. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ©2002 TwentiethCentury Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer trademark is used without express permission from Fox. ANGEL ©2001 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights  
> Reserved. The ANGEL trademark is used without express permission from Fox. This is a work of fan fiction and no financial gain is made by this author.  
> Some bits of altered dialogue and a few lines of actual lines from various canon BtVS and Angel episodes.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta’d so there might be errors and wayward commas (not to mention run-on sentences). Small bits of dialogue taken or modified from various Btvs and Angel episodes.

~*~

Prelude

~*~

 

~ May 22, 2001; L.A. Hyperion hotel ~

 

Angel looked pole-axed when he hung up from the call.

 

“What’s up in Sunnyhell Angel? It’s the annual apocalypse season. Bad news? Anything we need to jump on here?” Cordy sighed and looked mildly concerned. She really hated the few interactions with anyone from her old home town. The calls and visits were more rare than a boy band made up of Fyral demons but when they did happen it was rarely good news. Even worse was that she had to work double-time to get Angel out of whatever blue funk those contacts left behind.

 

“I need to leave right away.” For all of the urgency in Angels words he didn’t look ready to jump up from his chair in any hurry.

 

“Do they require assistance?” Wes had been looking forward to a bit of downtime. They had just returned from a rather dicey foray to a dimension called Pylea and he had been hoping to have a chance to get better acquainted with the fetching young woman they had rescued while there.

 

“Too late for that. Buffy’s dead.” Angel’s normal dour facial expression didn’t give any hint to how he was taking that news.

 

“What?” Cordy had never been particularly close to the Slayer who had been unexpectedly important to her during her last few years in her hometown but that didn’t mean she wished her ill.

 

“Willow didn’t give too many details. Hellgod and something about a tower and dimensional portals. Buffy didn’t make it.”

 

“Do they need us there?” Wes knew that Giles had to be devastated. His love for his Slayer was more familial than professional and losing a Slayer was always hard even when that was not the case.

 

“It’s too late,” Angel glowered at him. “Look I have to deal with this. I wasn’t expecting …”

 

“Well Slayers don’t usually live as long as Buffy so,” Cordy began. One look at the death glare from her boss stopped that train of thought before it left the station.

 

“Buffy was meant for more. This is not what I was promised.” Angel closed his eyes and let the rage roll over him.

 

“Promised?” Wes was confused. He knew the troubled history between his employer and his former Slayer charge. As far as he knew their star-crossed relationship had ended when Angel left Sunnydale for LA and his quest for redemption.

 

“Never mind,” Angel waved a hand in dismissal. “I need to get my head on straight, figure out what this all means.”

 

“Yeah just what does this all mean Angel? If it’s too late to help Buffy then does that mean we have a hellgod to fight? Are we all headed for Sunydale?” Cordy wasn’t looking forward to anything of the kind but she had thrown her lot in with those helping the helpless and didn’t really fancy the world ending just because the Slayer lost the apocalypse.

 

“Just me and not to Sunnydale.” Angel headed toward the office safe and began to pull out a sizeable amount of cash. “They killed the hellgod. Apocalypse is over but Buffy died saving the world.”

 

“So where are you going and why?”

 

“Like I said,” he looked at Wes with derision, “I need to re-think some things. There’s a monastery in Si Lanka. I was at their temple in Tibet turn of the last century getting my head together after the soul. I’ll be back once I sort through what all this means.”

 

The rest of his crew looked on in startled silence as Angel grabbed up the cash and headed upstairs evidently to pack.

 

Cordy sighed, “Too bad Gru didn’t stick around. We could have used the muscle while Angel’s off finding himself or whatever.”

 

Wes patted her hand in sympathy, “We’ll be fine Cordelia. We managed nicely when Angel went off the reservation before. I’m certain we can keep Angel Investigations up and running while he sorts himself out. Buffy was a major part of his life you know. This has to be quite the shock.”

 

“Major part of his past you mean. I think they’ve only talked a handful of times since he moved out here when they broke up...you know that thing that happens that makes a person part of your past.” Cordy was highly bored with the whole Buffy and Angel show. No one could sustain that amount of angst forever. It was like dealing with adolescents whenever their drama intruded into her life. It had been that way since High School. As far as Cordy was concerned High School was over and so should the melodrama of this mismatched pair be.

 

~ May 26, 2001; Sunnydale, Ca. ~

 

The huddled mourners turned from the bleak hole in the ground that now contained the resting place of the late Slayer Buffy Summers who, according to the stone on order, had saved the world a lot.

 

Giles leveled a gimlet stare at the vampire and young girl who were the last to leave the graveside. Dawn was emotionally vulnerable having been left completely alone in the world now that her sister had gone to her reward. Giles would be damned himself if he let Spike swoop in and take advantage of that vulnerability.

 

Spike draped an arm around Dawn’s quivering shoulder and urged her to leave this place of death. Funny that, the dead leading the child away from death’s real estate and tugging her back to the land of the living. Spike would have found that amusing at one time but any humor was lost on him now. How could there be laughter, hope or joy in a world without her? He wished he had let his baser instincts take over and had fortified himself with a bottle or two of something 90 proof or better.

 

Spike shook himself mentally and reminded himself that he had made a promise. What had to matter now was Dawn’s well being. That sweet girl had insisted that the graveside service be delayed until just after sundown so that Spike could safely attend. She needed him to be strong for her, to help her to live in the world Buffy died to save. There would be time enough to meet the sun once Dawn had been successfully helped to a full and happy life.

 

“A word,” Giles latched on to Spike’s free arm as he passed him on the way out of the cemetery. The Watcher motioned to Spike indicating that word was intended for Spike’s ears only and that it was likely a word Spike wouldn’t enjoy one bit.

 

Once Dawn had been transferred to the tender care of Tara, Spike crossed his arms in front of himself and prepared for the hostility he could sense was headed his way. Well the old man couldn’t say anything worse than Spike had been saying to himself ever since Buffy died thanks to his missteps on the tower.

 

“I want to be completely clear with you Spike,” Giles spat his name as if it were something noxious in his mouth. “I arranged the service to be held at this time as a courtesy to Dawn. She insisted that she needed you there with her for this and the child has more than enough on her plate at the moment so I gave in to her request. However so not mistake this as an indication that you are in any respect a part of them.” Giles pointed to the group of Buffy’s friends who were gathered near the parked cars waiting for Giles to join them.

 

Spike narrowed his eyes and bit back on his anger. Not like he was feeling the love before this little speech of the Watcher after all.

 

“You were of some use when we took on Glory, or so Buffy seemed to believe. That need for … extra muscle … is at an end. You are no longer needed or wanted.”

 

So these were his walking papers. Well Giles had no authority over him! “I failed Buffy, I’ll be the first to admit it. I made a promise and failed to keep it or we wouldn’t be where we are today. I should have made certain that lizard tailed demon, Doc, was dead good and proper and then he wouldn’t have been there to cut the Bit. Shoulda taken him off the tower with me.” Spike had a far-away look on his face as if reliving all of the recent events over again. “Shoulda done a hundred other things different to keep Dawn safe but I failed, made the wrong calls.” His jaw clenched and his eyes took on the piercing steel of determination as he looked Giles in the eye. “I won’t fail again. The Bit’s alive no thanks to yours truly. I mean to keep the promise I made to Buffy, to keep Dawn safe till the end of the world. Not you or any army of narrow minded gits are going to stop me. Buffy trusted me…”

 

Giles’ look could have frozen the Sahara. “You have no soul Spike. There is no way you can be trusted. Buffy might have had some kind of misplaced trust in you out of some strange gratitude after you didn’t reveal Dawn’s Keyness to Glory. It might have come from a bit of desperation as well. But not me! I know better than to place any trust in a soulless killer like you.”

 

Spike counted to ten slowly. The last thing Dawn needed was to see the two adult males in her life going at it next to her big sister’s grave. Once more he narrowed his eyes and gave a look that had loosened more than a few bowels in his day. “You know full well that I haven’t killed a human in nearly two years.”

 

Giles glared right back, “Chip.”

 

“No! Not the bloody chip!” Spike rolled his eyes in exasperation and sighed heavily. “I loved … love … Buffy. I made a promise to her and I will be keeping it.”

 

“You should stop this nonsense. No one is left for you to try to fool. Your obsession is at an end, buried there with that beautiful girl. You have no soul. You cannot love.”

 

“Right. No soul. So just where was the Great Souled Wonder when we laid the supposed love of his life to rest? Oh right … not here. If that soul made it possible for him to love Buffy he’d have been at the funeral not off broodin’ and letting out an occasional heavy sigh. If that soul could make the bugger love proper he’d be here takin’ care of hers even if she’s not here to make Bambi eyes at him. Souls don’t make someone love and lack of a soul doesn’t keep someone from lovin’.”

 

“I’m sure Angel had things that he needed to do that prevented his being here.” Giles hated feeling like he had to defend the only vampire he hated more than the one right in front of him but he’d never budge when it came to the importance of a soul.

 

“What he needed to do was care about more than his precious destiny and the rising cost of hair gel. He needed to keep an eye on Dawn. Needed to be that ‘extra muscle’ helpin’ to keep this hell hole safe for all the pulsers Buffy died to protect.” Spike promptly turned his back on the gape mouthed Watcher and stalked off towards the girl who was currently sobbing in Tara’s arms.

 

~ July 2, 2001; LA, Ca. ~

 

“Any word from the other side of the world?” Wes inquired.

 

“Just that he’s still dealing with his loss and that he called the bank to authorize transfer of enough money to cover his part for the flowers we sent to the funeral.” Cordy looked up from the ledger where she was trying to balance the books. If Angel didn’t get back before long they were going to be bleeding money worse than any of his former victims ever bled blood. It was called Angel Investigations for a reason and without the big guy plenty of potential customers looked elsewhere.

 

“Nothing about when we might expect him to return though?” Wes was annoyed. He had just had a fairly easy and lucrative case walk out the door once they realized the investigators available were human and not the heroic vampire that they had been told could handle their Grivlar infestation.

 

“Nope. I tried to ask but he shut me down pretty fast. You know Angel. Why talk about things when you can just sit and brood instead.”

 

“Has Fred come out of her room at all since he’s been gone?”

 

“Another nada,” Cordy shook her head. “You’d think Angel was the only one who helped save her from Pylea! Really, Wes, what are we...chopped liver?”

 

Wes chuckled. “I doubt she thinks of us in that way. The poor girl is traumatized and has Angel on a bit of a pedestal is all.”

 

“She should just take a number. I get it, I do. You know I love the big guy but I still keep a nice sharp stake in my desk drawer. The problem with putting someone on a pedestal is that they always seem to topple off eventually.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

~ August, 18, 2001; Sunnydale, Ca.~

 

“So do you think that’s the last nest of those beasties we’ll need to take out?” Xander heaved a weary sigh and once more thought about how they had always taken Buffy’s nightly patrols for granted.

 

“Think we got the last of ‘em,” Spike didn’t look at the boy as he answered. “Last I shook down Wilie he didn’t have any other locations to offer.” He smirked at the look of relief on the young man’s face and proceeded to erase it with a bit of glee. “Course he did say there was a pack of Kentup demons looking to set up shop. Nasty buggers. Need to watch the slime, takes weeks to get off and causes your willie to shrink.” He bit back a chuckle at the appalled look on Xander’s face. Really it was far too easy to yank the lad’s chain.

 

“Well that’s unacceptable!” huffed Anya in alarm. “Spike I think you should get rid of them yourself. You don’t use your penis and Xander most certainly does!”

 

Spike glared at the former demon. She wasn’t wrong. Spike had no desire to move on from his devotion to the memory of Buffy. Frankly it had been ages since his cock had a go at anything other than his left hand and since Buffy’s death not even that.

 

In the excruciatingly long three months since they had buried Buffy Summers the small group had banded together in a fairly efficient substitute at least where nightly patrols were concerned.

 

Willow had groused initially that she had expected Angel to come to Sunnydale to help keep the hellmouth safe. Other than his shocked words of sorrow at Buffy’s passing there had been no communication from him at all. He hadn’t even attended the funeral even though WIllow had left the information with Cordy so he could be there.

 

None of them had been up for much of anything immediately after they laid their friend to rest. Luckily the post-apocalypse phenomenon of calm held true. Anya had some minor injuries but Spike had been in fairly bad shape. Between the knife wound to the kidney and the multiple broken bones it had taken all his strength to stand at the graveside when they buried Buffy.

 

Spike had just showed up a few days after that sad event and without a word gone with them to take out a group of scaly demons that had heard the rumor that the Slayer was dead. He’d been there every night since.

 

“Any word on the effectiveness in using the robot to dispel the belief that the hellmouth has no Slayer?” Giles cleaned his sword and glanced at Spike. Spike had also taken it upon himself to be their eyes and ears in the demon community. Giles refused to admit that he might have been wrong, or at least hasty in his dismissal of Spike and his potential contributions to the group and a somewhat tense truce existed between them.

 

“Don’t know how the lack brains can’t tell the difference,” Spike grumbled under his breath. He hated every time the Bot had been included even if he could see the logic in using it as a decoy. “Yeah, seems most of ‘em think Buf … the Slayer’s still around even if she seems to be actin’ a bit daft.”

 

“Well there is that at least,” Giles closed his eyes and thanked the Powers that the majority of demons were less than great thinkers.

 

“Yup, got it to even be all quippy,” Willow crowed happily. She had enjoyed tinkering with the robot’s programming concentrating on the task at hand and not the resemblance to her late friend. The whole project had been nearly as challenging as altering spells or creating her own.

 

Xander cringed. “Yeah about that Will… Not sure you capture the true essence…”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake! No one can capture even a glimmer of the effulgence of Buffy. No point in even trying.” Spike stalked out of the room angrily.

 

Everyone glanced nervously at one another. Spike’s emotions were always right on the surface, maybe they always had been but they hadn’t noticed until after they had buried their friend.

 

“I’ll check on him,” offered Tara. She headed toward the kitchen and the fuming, grieving, vampire. More than any of the rest, save Dawn, Tara recognized that the vampire was heartbroken and riddled with guilt. As was his habit he lashed out with pseudo-anger when his more tender feelings threatened to show themselves.

 

“Need some help?” Tara watched from the doorway as Spike rifled through the pantry.

 

“I know there’s some Chicken 'n' Stars in here somewhere. Bit needs to eat more than soup but at least that seems to offer a little comfort to the poor lamb.”

 

“Bottom shelf.” Tara took out a saucepan and can opener. “Maybe we could tempt her with a grilled cheese along with it?”

 

“Worth a shot I suppose,” Spike had calmed down. Keeping busy usually worked in taking his mind out of the endless loop of recriminations and regret. “Been watchin’ some of those cookin’ shows when I can’t sleep. Figure I can try some of ‘em on the Niblet, fatten her up.”

 

Tara smiled. It was so very clear how much Spike loved Buffy’s little sister. She never fully understood why the others had even a question about Spike’s ability to love when it was so obvious to her that he was every bit as complex as any other person they knew.

 

“She’ll probably want to experiment a bit herself.” Tara shuddered. “I caught her fixing something that I couldn’t even begin to recognize the other day. I think even the trash tried to spit it out when she threw it away.”

 

Spike smiled fondly, “Game one is our girl. Buffy’d be proud.”

 

Tara looked at the vampire slyly, “Yes she would indeed.”

 

~ September 24, 2001; L.A. Hyperion hotel ~

 

Wesley sighed and raised his eyes to the ceiling. He didn’t need x-ray vision to know that the sweet, damaged, girl upstairs was still lost in her own world. Fred was a genius but all those years exiled to Pylea had taken their toll on her emotionally. The slight progress to her adjustment had come to a grinding halt when Angel had scampered off to Tibet to deal with Buffy’s tragic death.

 

Wes suspected the retreat involved far more than simple grief over the death of a lost love. Angel never really spoke of it, or much of anything personal actually, but the former Watcher suspected that Angel had tied Buffy up with his own redemption. That was not even getting into the potential reward of the Shanshu the prophecy that Wes himself had uncovered only the previous year. For someone who rarely displayed anything like human emotions it had been obvious that Angel had high hopes for a second chance at perfect happiness without consequences.

 

Cordy caught the worried look on Wes’ face as he gazed in the direction that housed the fragile Winifred Berkle. It was obvious the man was smitten.

 

“When Angel comes back,” Wes sighed once again.

 

“Yeah and when is he coming back anyway?” Gunn was beginning to wonder why he was still hanging with this leaderless crew when there were nasties to turn into ash. It seemed that most of Angel Investigations had come to a grinding halt while the nominal head was off gazing at his naval. Charles was a man of action and lately there had been precious little of that to be had.

 

“As soon as he works through his grief a little.” Cordy tried to reassure all of them including herself. In truth they had heard nothing much from Angel since he left. As the conversation continued Cordy tried desperately to steer it away from any mention of her old classmate. Really she was heartily sick of the whole world revolving around the blonde Slayer who couldn’t even be bothered to keep in touch with old friends. “Don’t say the “B” word!”

 

Gunn snorted, “The “B” word was the love of his life and he’s … what? 250? That isn’t a short life. That grief work is gonna take more than a vacation in Sri Lanka.”

 

Wes leveled a serious look at the other two, “It isn’t a vacation. It’s a spiritual retreat at a monastery.”

 

Charles let out a short burst of laughter, “Angel and a bunch of monks in the middle of nowhere. There’s a party! He should have got hammered and gone to Vegas like I told him.”

 

“He doesn’t need a lap dance. He needs some peace and quiet to work through this,” Wes reminded them.

 

Cordy held up rat traps, “Well while we wait we have Micky’s larger, nastier, cousins to trap. Whose turn to set the bait?”

 

The hotel’s front door swung open and Angel strode in, a slight smile on his face.

 

“You guys he’s back!” Cordy dropped the traps and went to wrap her arms around him. “Welcome home!”

 

The crew surrounded Angel greeting him like a returning conquering hero.

 

“So … hope you had a good retreat all peaceful and meditatey,” Cordy inquired.

 

“Sure until the monks turned out to be life sucking Shur-Hod demons,” Angel shrugged.

 

“Vegas,” Gunn raised both brows as he offered his version of an I told you so.

 

Angel gave a slight laugh, “Yeah.” He began to pass out souvenirs mostly purchased last minute at the duty free stores as he waited for flights that offered the least amount of daylight travel on his way home.

 

The group caught Angel up on all that he’d missed while across the world. Not too much to report as there had been no large or interesting cases to handle and no one thought he’d be interested in the recent rodent invasion. After updating him on the progress, or rather the lack thereof, made by Fred Angel headed to the girls room to see for himself. “He seems better than when he left,” Wes noted.

 

~ September 28, 2001; Sunnydale, Ca. ~

 

“I just don’t get why Willow can’t do the vacuuming for once,” Dawn whined.

 

“Witch has somthin’ more important needs doin I ‘spect,’” Spike shrugged.“That’s what we’re all tryin’ to do ‘round here Bit.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. But you’d think Willow would do more around here since she DOES live here. Tara cooks at least,” she pouted reminding Spike for a painful moment of her older sister. “Heck you do more around here than she does and you don’t even live here.”

 

“Got nothin’ else to do with Mr. sunshine out there makin’ any decent skulking out of the questions. Hard to get up to decent evil when it’s daylight.”

 

Dawn snorted, “Sure Spike. That’s why you hang around a teenaged girl and do housework.”

 

“Watch it missy! May live in a crypt but that don’t mean I can’t appreciate a clean house and decent meal.”

 

“So are you fixing dinner tonight or Tara?”

 

“Likely be me. Witches both got some kind of research planned at the Magic Box. Tara said they’d just order pizza and we’re on our own.”

 

Dawn’s eyes glazed over. “Pizza! Yum! Anchovies!”

 

“Forget it Nibs, didn’t waste hours watchin Emeril just to feed you more junk food than you already eat.”

 

“So what’s for dinner?”

 

“Took notes on a curried shrimp thing that looked simple enough and spicy enough I reckon,” Spike checked the spice rack to make certain all the ingredients were there. “You can get to work steamin’ some rice, yeah?”

 

“I like it when you cook,” Dawn offered. “Tara’s a good cook but mostly mom kinda stuff. You know comfort food and things you’d get at Cracker Barrel. You try neat recipes with lots of hot stuff.”

 

“Helps kick it up a bit. Not sure how to liven up meatloaf even if Tara makes a good one.”

 

“Yeah she even fixes it with mac and cheese on the side like mom did.”

 

Spike raised a brow, “‘F you’d rather have that I suppose I could give it a try. Has to be a cook book ‘round here with somethin’ easy to follow.”

 

“Nope! I want the curry. Gee Spike I’m eating now you don’t have to try to tempt me any more.”

 

Spike smiled fondly at the girl. “Know that Bit and glad of it. Don’t mind spoilin’ you a bit from time to time though and if you really have a cravin’ for somethin’ I don’t mind. Not like I started cookin’ already.”

 

Dawn blinked back unbidden tears. What both of them were craving wasn’t something found in a cookbook. Both of them would have happily given years of life to just have Buffy there alive and bitchy if only for one more day.

 

Spike noted the damp eyes and drew Dawn into a tight hug. “I know pet, I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

~*~

Chapter 1 

~*~

 

“That didn’t take long,” Xander muttered. “Buffy’s back from hell a couple of weeks and Dead-Boy gives the old come hither.”

 

Willow swatted his arm in annoyance, “I’m the one who called Angel. He deserved to know she’s back. Besides seeing her soul-mate is just what she needs to start to get back to normal.” Willow frowned. Buffy had been somewhat closed off since they had rescued her from a hell dimension. It bugged her that Buffy didn’t seem as happy as she should have been! Even Giles returning had only elicited a short brittle smile.

 

~~~

 

Buffy carefully parked her mom’s Land Rover in the well lit lot of the Busy Bee. Ventura was almost halfway between L.A. and Sunnydale and Angel could get there when the sun set and still give them time enough to reconnect over burgers. Well a burger for her and probably just coffee for Angel.

 

Buffy looked in her wallet and figured she could splurge on a soda with her meal. There were all those stacks of bills she had to figure out how to pay but two or three extra dollars to wash down a burger wouldn’t totally wreck her chances of pulling that off. She’d let Angel pay for his own damned coffee though!

 

The 50’s styled diner was cheery in a just-this-side-of-annoying way. Buffy slid into the red vinyl booth facing the door and ordered a water while she waited for Angel to show.

 

“Sure you don’t want some cheese fries or nachos while you wait?” The pert waitress smiled. It was clear that her friendliness was unfeigned and Buffy smiled wanly in return.

 

“Thanks but no. I’ll wait till my …” Buffy struggled to think of just what word would actually describe Angel’s position in her life at this point. “Um, friend, to get here.”

 

“Just wave me over if you change your mind,” Susan, as her nametag proclaimed, put a couple of menus down on the table and left Buffy to her own thoughts.

 

Buffy only had to wait about five minutes before the door opened and Angel strode through giving a quick glance around the diner searching for Buffy. He gave her a crooked smile and headed for her table.

 

He would have loved to hug the newly resurrected love of his life but Buffy had stayed seated and hadn’t moved over to give room on the bench seat next to her. Angel frowned slightly then took a seat across from her.

 

“So,” the word hung in the air for an uncomfortable length of time. “Um … Willow says you’ve been adjusting pretty well to being back.”

 

Buffy looked at Angel then tried to decipher just how anyone could have come to that conclusion. “Well you know. One day at a time.”

 

Angel grinned. “Pretty powerful witch you have there! Who knew? The shy little Willow I remember’s a thing of the past I guess.”

 

“Lots of things change,” Buffy replied in a near monotone. She was wondering why her heart wasn’t doing flips just being in Angel’s company. Her emotions were flat, had been since her ejection from heaven. There had been a faint hope that seeing her lost love would light a spark, give her something to grab hold of. Instead she felt nothing. It was taking all of her energy just to smile in reply to Angel’s uncharacteristic chatter.

 

“... knew you’d be back. There’s no way the Powers would let you stay in a hell dimension, miss your destiny.” Angel had been talking and Buffy struggled to catch up and make sense of what he was saying. She wondered just what destiny he thought she would have missed. Her duty had been done, mission completed. She had already done everything any Power could have wanted.

 

“Well from the beginning I always knew it was my … destiny … to fight monsters and die young. Think I already did that. More than once,” Buffy reminded him.

 

Angel gave her the puppy eyes. “Well I think you have something finer in your future Buff. Girl like you is made for special things.”

 

“Like what? More sore muscles? Cuts? Broken bones? Bruises? Bills?” Buffy stared at Angel and wondered just what he thought her life was like. Probably thought it wasn’t much changed from her comparatively carefree High School years.

 

Angel held his hands up in surrender, “Whoa! Not saying it’s all puppies and candy floss. I get that you have your calling. Still one day things will get better. You’ll get rewarded for all you do every day, all we … you had to give up.” Angel wondered if it was fair to just tell Buffy about the future Shanshu that would bring him his earned reward and allow them to be together at long last. She was young though and the impatience to be together might be too much for her.

 

Buffy felt like screaming, ‘Yeah I already had that but no one let me keep it!’ Instead she kept silent and let Angel go on with whatever movie of the week impression he had of the life and times of Buffy Summers, Slayer.

 

“You two ready to order?” Susan had miraculously appeared tableside while Buffy was brooding. Funny, that was usually Angel’s job.

 

Angel glanced over the menu then surprised Buffy by ordering a Mocha Cappucino instead of the plain black coffee she had expected. He caught the amused look on Buffy’s face, “Cordy’s widening my horizons. Besides we’re celebrating.”

 

Funny. All their time together and Buffy never got Angel to try much of anything beyond blood, coffee and beer. Cordy must have some secret weapon to get Angel to spread his wings even a little.

 

Susan raised an eyebrow and poised her pen over the pad waiting for the rest of the order. She mentally said goodbye to any kind of decent tip as the man closed the menu making it pretty clear this was going to be a really small check.

 

“I’ll just have a cheeseburger and diet coke,” Buffy ordered.

 

“Anything else for you sir?” Susan asked hopefully.

 

“I’m good. Thanks.”

 

Susan took the menus and went to put in their order. She really hoped the big guy would be up for dessert at least. Fifteen percent of this check wasn’t going to buy her boys Oreos much less new shoes. Good thing she was going to be changing jobs soon. Web design would make paying down that mortgage a lot faster than waiting tables.

 

“So,” Buffy dipped a toe into the wide world of polite conversation, “what have you been up to while I was…”

 

Angel dropped his head then turned sad eyes on her. “I was devastated Buff. When Willow called to tell me that you’d gone I didn’t know how I could handle you being...you know. Just the thought of the world without you in it was unbearable.”

 

‘Yeah, seems there was a lot of that going around,’ Buffy thought bitterly as she wrestled with the memory of her friends pulling her from peace.

 

“I had to get my head on straight. Went to a monastery I heard of in Sri Lanka. Figured I could work through the loss better if I could get centered. Too big a jolt to count on Tai Chi to pull me through.”

 

“Monastery huh,” Buffy raised a brow. “Sri Lanka’s a long way to go for finding a way to get all centery.”

 

“Yeah. Probably could have picked a better place. The monks turned out to be demons and I wound up having to kill them all.”

 

“So who was helping the helpless while you were off dealing?”

 

Angel looked affronted. Didn’t Buffy have any idea how hard he taken her death? “I can’t help others if I’m drowning myself Buff.”

 

‘I’m drowning in you Summers,’ Buffy heard Spike’s voice from what felt like eons ago. Who knew there were so many ways to drown? She seemed to recall Spike helping out even while drowning. Guess he was just a better swimmer she mused.

 

“So was it a nice funeral?” Buffy hadn’t asked the others back home. They preferred to not think about her having been dead at all.

 

Angel looked sheepish. “I didn’t think it was a good idea to go.”

 

Huh! Buffy was fairly certain she should feel hurt that Angel hadn’t bothered to attend the funeral she was pretty sure her friends had arranged. Like everything else she expected to feel, the hurt just wasn’t there. “Yeah. Maybe not. Dawn could have used the moral support though.”

 

Angel had the grace to look uncomfortable. “She had plenty without me there. We were never really close.”

 

Buffy nearly laughed. Angel and Dawn had never met one another in reality. Obviously no one let him in the loop about that though. It seemed that he thought Dawnie actually was her little sister and not a mystical Key that only come into existence long after he had left Sunnydale.

 

“True. Still the gang could have used some extra help with the hellmouth,” Buffy pointed out.

 

“They had it covered,” Angel replied churlishly. Buffy didn’t seem to grasp just how much he had been hurting!

 

“Guess so, world’s still here.”

 

Susan brought their order and the stilted conversation, what there was of it, stopped abruptly. Buffy wondered not for the first time if conversation with Angel had always been so difficult.

 

‘Huh...I guess we never really talked much.’ Angel, however had continued talking. Buffy missed most of what he had to say and tried to summon the energy to play catch up.

 

“There’s this girl I rescued from a dimension called Pylea. Fred’s a scientist and a genius but pretty fragile. It’s going to take some time to get her used to living here where it’s safe again … well as safe as I can make it anyway. Cordy is helping of course.”

 

Angel stirred his black coffee while Buffy stared and wondered at the purpose; just what was he stirring beyond bad feelings? The motions of his hand and the spoon were nearly hypnotic. “Lots of responsibility being the Powers Champion, never a dull day though,” he continued clearly proud of his exploits.

 

As if Buffy didn’t understand responsibility. “Could’ve used another dimension when we tried to hide from Glory,” she mused. Angel stopped stirring and looked affronted.

 

“It’s not like I knew you needed help Buffy. It’s not like you called or anything.” His voice had a slight whine that Buffy found grating.

 

It probably wasn’t fair of her to resent that Angel felt he needed to be asked for his help. After all he had his own life and problems to deal with. Buffy tried to remember the last time he had even called to check on how things were back in Sunnydale. The days when he would just pop in at the library at the old high school were long in the past.

 

Buffy wasn’t too sure just who his crew were other than Cordy and Wes for that matter. She seemed to remember some cute Irish guy but couldn’t remember his name.

 

“Well you know how the hellmouth gets in the late spring,” she shrugged. “I suppose we forget that not everyone remembers that.”

 

Angel put his hand atop hers on the table. “I remember Buffy. I also remember that you never seem to have any problem dealing with it.”

 

Buffy slipped her hand from underneath his, “Did this time.”

 

Angel squirmed a bit. Yeah he probably should have remembered the warning the Oracles had given about Buffy dying ahead of her time should he remain human. It was the main reason he had made the sacrifice and had them turn back time after all! Still based on what Willow had told him of that battle it wasn’t likely he could have done much to change how it all played out. Clearly he was meant to save the day in a later apocalypse, besides Cordy had been in danger.

 

“Well you’re back now and good as new,” his smile was a bit oily like a guy trying to sell her a used car.

 

“Not as such,” she mumbled as she took a small bite of the neglected burger. Seemed the only one to really see that she was struggling was Spike for some reason.

 

“You look great Buff, really!”

 

“All hail Covergirl and Lady Clairol,” she tried to quip.

 

Angel acted as if he hadn’t heard her or maybe he didn’t recognize brand names of girly products that weren’t hair gel. He pointed at her nibbled at burger and remarked, “You really should eat a bit more Buff. Some of your curves are needing a bit beefing up.”

 

“Considering I was just bones not that long ago I don’t think I look too bad, “ Buffy pointed out. “You seem to forget just where I was and for how long.”

 

Angel ducked his head and gave her his best ‘Puppy Dog number 3’ look. “I remember Buffy. I was going through hell knowing you were gone and if you’ll remember I know what actually being in hell is like.”

 

Hum...was she supposed to feel guilty for having to send him there when he opened up Acathla all those years ago? He seemed to think so. Suddenly what little appetite Buffy had disappeared and all she could think about was gracefully exiting the little restaurant without bursting into tears or hitting someone.

 

“Look Angel. I didn’t drive all this way to trade afterlife horror stories or give you a hard time. I thought it might be nice to spend a few precious minutes with someone who might get that I’m having a struggle. Guess I was wrong.” Buffy motioned to Susan asking for the bill. She fished in her wallet to pull out a twenty. Let Angel cover the tip!

 

“Buffy, wait…” Angel rose to follow her. “I So understand the struggle. I’m in it too you know.”

 

Buffy looked at him with sad eyes. “Yeah I guess so,” she sighed. “Go home Angel. I’ll call if I need you. Maybe we’ll be in the same dimension next time if there is one.”


	3. Chapter 3

~ Chapter 2 ~

 

Buffy navigated the car through the nearly deserted streets of Sunnydale. She barely remembered the long drive home. What little hope Buffy still clung to that seeing Angel again could reignite some ashy inner fire had died somewhere around the second bite of her burger. Sometimes when you rake ashes you find that’s all that there is...just ashes.

 

The lights of the KFC drive through stood out on the otherwise darkened street. It seemed to beckon as if offering a small taste of normal. ‘Could use a bit of that,’ she thought as she pulled into the short line. Smart citizens of the hellmouth who ventured out for a meal after dark stayed in their cars lest they become the meal. Buffy wondered not for the first time just who the night workers were in her little mouth of hell.

 

She ordered a bucket of Original Recipe to feed the troops at home. Gotta tend the family after all. Buffy doubted she’d be any more inclined towards a plateful of chicken than she had been towards the late lamented burger indulgence of a couple of hours prior.

 

Still she really should bring food. Isn’t that what nice people did after a funeral? Oh, yeah … not a funeral. ‘What did one do for a resurrection,’ Buffy mused. ‘Should have paid more attention the handful of times I went to Sunday school. There was probably something in the Bible on resurrection etiquette...maybe fish...they were always eating fish,’ she seemed to remember.

 

Of course there were the T.V. soaps, they had people coming back from the dead all the time. Usually it led to nothing but trouble and heartache for everyone. People suddenly having two husbands or grown up kids who hated them. Not much of a guideline there. Not like Hallmark had a card for the occasion for that matter.

 

Oh well chicken would have to do. Kinda fitting since all Buffy felt like doing was giving up on this brand, spankin’ life Willow and the others had foist upon her. Cut up pieces of a small bird who had died so others could live. The Colonel left the poor thing dead at least.

 

Bucket of dead fowl in hand Buffy plastered on a weak smile and entered her still mortgaged home. Tossing her keys on the side table she braced herself for the too eager yapping of her high strung “ties to life” in the form of friends. ‘Where are scissors when you need them?’ Buffy had a sudden desire to take a run with a pair. ‘That’d cut those ties one way or another,’ she thought.

 

“Hello?” Well at least they weren’t all hovering around the door making sure she made it all the way into the house.

 

“In here,” Willow chirped from the direction of the dining room. “Welcome home Buffy!”

 

“Yup, it’s me bearing deep fried chicken parts. Hope you’re …” Buffy’s voice trailed off as she noted the obvious remains of a meal they had already eaten. ‘Should have figured they would have already had dinner. Most civilized people eat before this hour.’

 

“You already ate,” Buffy bit her lower lip and set the bucket down on the credenza.

 

An embarrassed Giles set down his nearly empty wine glass, “No, er, … yes obviously.”

 

Dawn looked stricken as if she had committed some terrible social breach by eating at a normal hour. “We didn’t know when you’d be back.”

 

Tara tried to be diplomatic, “I don’t know about everybody else but I would love some chicken.”

 

One by one they all claimed a sudden burning desire to eat a second dinner like some confused Hobbits who mixed up the last meal of the day with the first.

 

Buffy watched as they all took a piece. ‘Didn’t need me to bring home the bacon after all. Guess life CAN go on without me. Wish they’d figured that out before they decided they had to have me back here.’

 

“So?” Dawn began. “How was it?” She gulped down her bite of chicken leg. “Seeing Angel. Him seeing you...was it weird?”

 

Everyone was staring at Buffy waiting to see her reaction to her reunion. Like everything else since her return they were all expecting something from her, something she didn’t have to give. “Um it was … intense,” for lack of a better word. How do you say that seeing the supposed love of your life left a lot to be desired? How do you admit that you feel nothing in a literal sense?

 

Willow looked avid, “If you wanna talk about it…”

 

“I don’t,” Buffy said somewhat sharpishly. Seeing the hurt look flash on her friend’s face she backtracked a bit. “It’s not important. The past … I’d just rather keep this to myself if that’s okay.”

 

Everyone looked uncomfortable and not in the normal way that mention of Angel usually brought about.

 

Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy there was some discussion in your absence about...well..about what you’re going to do now.”

 

Buffy leveled a blank look at her Watcher and father figure. RIght now the only real desire Buffy had was for a hot bath and bed. Maybe if she was lucky an uninterrupted night’s sleep.

 

“You know, um your plans,” Giles clarified.

 

“Oh,” Buffy blinked catching on to the actual topic. “I’ve given that a lot of thought actually. Long drive and all. I think I’ve figured it out, what I should do.”

 

Willow, ever one to approve of planning and organization, perked up. “That’s good!”

 

“Yeah I figure if I hold off paying the plumber I can pay the utility bill.” Buffy didn’t notice the smiles disappearing from her friends faces. “Then I can wait to re-shingle the roof until I get the refund back…”

 

“I meant,” Giles interrupted, “with your life.”

 

“Oh. Life plans. Well…” Everyone was staring again expectation all over their faces.

 

“I have no idea.” This time she didn’t miss the crestfallen looks on all their faces.

 

~~~

 

Angel tried to position himself so that he could see the group in the dining room. It was a shame that they weren’t all gathered in the living room where he would have a clear view. Better yet it was too bad they weren’t all back in their own homes.

 

They’d left things in a bad way back in Ventura. Angel had only gone a few blocks from the restaurant headed for home when he realized he had to fix things right away. Buffy had to understand that he had needed to be centered so he could continue his important work for the Powers. Her death had seriously jeopardized his ability to be a proper Champion. She understood how important that work was! He’d choose his words more carefully this time. She was young and didn’t understand the full weight of the mission that was all.

 

Angel was annoyed as the only clear view he had was of Dawn. Shouldn’t she be in bed by now? Looks like the girl had little discipline from anyone while Buffy was dead. ‘You’d think Giles would be more responsible!’

 

“That soul of yours still lets you play peepin’ Tom gramps?” Spike growled. “Brushin’ off your old Angelus stalkin’ moves are you?”

 

Spike looked over his grand sires shoulder into the Summer’s house fully expecting Angel to be fixated on Buffy. The only resident in view, however was Dawn and that just made Spike even more livid.

 

“What? Is Buffy too old for your tastes now old man? Spike shoved the older vamp away from the window. “Keep your perverted eyes off Dawn. No one, especially not you, touches my Niblet.

 

Angel snarled at Spike for daring to push him and let his demon take the wheel. His fist connected with Spike but much to Angel’s surprise didn’t have the same devastating effect as his blows used to deliver. “Back off Spike. This is none of your business.”

 

“Buffy may be back but you’ll get to that little girl through me; the Bit’s under my protection. You go playin’ your games with my girl and you’ll fit in a dust bin. This chip in my noggin’ don’t’ work on demons and that’s still what you are Angelus.”

 

Angel drew himself up to full height and loomed over Spike who had yet to get up from where he had fallen. “Shut up Spike. Speaking of lurking; does Buffy know you’re hanging around her house?” He backed up slightly as Spike bounced to his feet clearly ready to go another round or ten. “Why not go back to chasing after Dru and stop annoying Buffy and her real friends?”

 

The strong tingles alone had been enough to alert Buffy to the presence of vampires but neither of the two enraged vamps on her porch were doing much to keep quiet either.

 

Had either Angel or Spike looked back to the window they would have noticed they had a full audience. Instead they were focused only on each other.

 

A century of cultivating superior fighting skills that didn’t rely on formula was giving Spike the early advantage much to Angel’s surprise.

 

One big disadvantage to the larger vampire was his bad habit of judging others based on their past and not considering that vampires just like people do change.

 

A well timed round-house kick brought the brooding one to his knees and a follow up blow to his kidney region leveled him to the ground.

 

Spike wiped the blood from his split lip and danced backward out of the reach of Angel’s grasping hand. “So what ARE you doing here gramps? Finally remember where Buffy lives?” Spike’s taunt was met with a grunt as Angel got to his feet and advanced on him.

 

Angel’s beefy fist connected with Spike’s chin snapping his head back but not felling him. “I know where Buffy lives. In fact I just had dinner with her,” he boasted.

 

Spike’s attack faltered at that knowledge. ‘Should have expected that,’ he sighed to himself as he dodged another blow.

 

Angel pressed his advantage while Spike was distracted by thoughts of Buffy’s no-doubt steamy reunion with the Vamp that always seemed to get the girl, at least the girls Spike wanted.

 

Still he wasn’t about to let the bastard best him and certainly not on Buffy’s front lawn. His beloved might stake him for it but he was planning to rearrange the Ponce’s face, make it swell large enough to catch up to that forehead of his.

 

Angel heard the crunch of bone as his left connected with Spikes ribs. Still he stood.

 

Spike gave a gleeful warriors laugh as he delivered a snap kick to Angel’s useless nether region bringing the berk to his knees gasping in agony.

 

Angel struggled for unnecessary breath and reached towards a fallen branch his yellow eyes filled with rage.

 

Seeing Angel’s intention, Spike kicked out rejoicing at the cracking sound as Angel’s wrist broke. It was a good day to wear steel toed boots. “Not a fledge any more pops. Was takin’ on crowds of demons while you were bellying up to the rat buffet.”

 

Angel groaned in pain not able to wrap his mind around the fact that Spike had clearly bested him. “Buffy seemed off,” he panted. “Wanted to make sure she’s okay. Make her understand.”

 

Spike glared down at him unimpressed. “Understand what? Why you couldn’t be bothered to call or come when we were fightin’ Glory and you could actually been helpful? Maybe kept Buffy from havin’ to take that leap off the tower in the first place.

 

Angel rolled over knowing Spike wasn’t about to dust him. “I had to rescue Cordy from another dimension, I have responsibilities not that you’d understand. Besides how could I know that Buffy would need me? I’m a Champion not a mind reader,” he groused.

 

Spike rolled his eyes and wondered if Angel had always been so whiny. “You know that every year about May there’s an apocalypse. Don’t have to be a mind reader you berk just need a bloody calendar and know how to use a phone. You didn’t even check you wanker!” Spike narrowed his eyes in contempt. “And what about while Buffy was in the ground? I was HERE, where were you?”

 

“I’m the Champion of the Powers, I’ve always got a lot on my plate. I don’t have the luxury of time to play baby-sitter. You’ve got nothing better to do than cause trouble and drink too much.” Angel reached for the tree trunk and tried to hoist himself upright. “I’ll always love Buffy but no one would understand better than her that I have to follow my destiny and do my duty. I’m not a waste of space like you.”

 

Spike snorted in derision, “You use that word love a lot but don’t know the first thing about it. It’s more than a noun. Love, real love, is a verb. It’s what you DO that shows what you say you feel.” Spike sneered at his grandsire. “While you were off makin’ a show of grievin’ I made sure Dawn was safe and fed. Gave the Bit a shoulder to cry on. Tucked her back in at night after nightmares got her up and cryin’. Patrolled with a bunch of humans who make no secret of hatin’ me, kept ‘em alive. Did it cause I promised the lady I love.”

 

Angel scoffed.

 

“Didn’t have to love the bloody Scoobies just needed to know SHE loved ‘em. Didn’t have any hope of a thank you. Scoobies sure as hell never said it and knew full well I’m not headed the direction Buffy would be able to either. Nothin’ for me to gain but that’s what you do for someone you love.” He glared at Angel, “Hear that word Peaches? DO. Say you love Buffy all you want but don’t see you doin’ much of anythin’ ‘cept makin’ her cry, crushin’ her spirit over and over.”

 

Angel launched himself from the tree that had been propping him up and slammed full force into Spike throwing both of them onto the ground fists flailing, blood flying.


	4. Chapter 4

~ Chapter 3 ~

 

“You hunt the girl and hurt her same as when you don’t have that soul you’re so fond of wavin’ around. Only thing different is you leave the girl alive, just broken.” Spike landed a solid fist into Angel’s midsection. “You go off to play hero of your own story but make sure you saunter back whenever it looks like she might just survive to remind her of all she thinks she’s lost. Make sure she can’t move on only for you to prance back to L.A. like the great Poof you are and get back to your own movin’ on.”

 

Angel sidestepped a well aimed uppercut and lashed out with his knee to Spike’s groin. Spike grunted but absorbed the blow. Seemed being filled with righteous anger worked a wonder as a pain killer.

 

“Can’t claim those are the acts of love,” he accused. “They’re the acts of a predator, a cat playin’ with a mouse. Can’t tell me that the cat loves Mickey.” 

 

Angel swiped at the blood trickling into his eye and snarled in response. “You can’t love, Spike. You have no soul.”

 

“Yeah, so says the expert on both,” Spike countered and moved in for another blow.

 

“Enough!”

 

At Buffy’s barked order Spike dropped his arm to his side immediately. Angel, fully enraged by now thanks to Spike’s home truths and with his demon in the fore, took the opening to get in a cheapshot.

 

“I said enough!” Buffy grabbed Angel’s arm before he could get in another.

 

The rest of the gang were huddled on the front porch watching the spectacle having heard the whole fight along with Buffy.

 

“He started it,” Angel whined.

 

Spike swiped at the blood dripping from his forehead but stayed silent. He had the feeling that anything he said would only cause him to lose whatever regard Buffy had for him already. Seemed he always lost out to the great poof.

 

Buffy, however, was glaring at her ex having spared only a glance at Spike. There was more fire in her eyes than Spike had seen since before she took that dive off of Glory’s tower.

 

“Angel you need to go home. Sunnydale hasn’t been your home for a few years now. Your life and interests are all in L.A. It’s pretty clear your concerns are more important than mine. That’s probably the way it should be. We’ve been over for a long time.”

 

“Buffy you got it all wrong!” Angel shot her his very best wounded puppy look. “I didn’t explain what happened right. That’s why I followed you home. I realized you didn’t understand.”

 

“I understood perfectly.” Buffy wrapped her arms around her stomach as if to hold herself together. “You were busy with your own trouble there in L.A. and didn’t think we might need help here for the annual apocalypse. Then when you found out I had died you were too … how did you put it? Devastated … yeah … to be able to offer to help out here. You needed to go chant mantras and stuff. What part of that didn’t I understand?”

 

Angel looked a bit sheepish with everyone’s eyes on him, some with clear disapproval. “Well yes … er … no! You make it sound so selfish and trivial! I was devastated, you have no idea what it’s like to lose someone you love that much.”

 

Buffy blinked several times and looked at him in amazement. “Really? Really? Just before I died I buried my mother or had you forgotten that?”

 

“Of course I remember Buff, I came to comfort you.”

 

“And then left again even though I begged you to stay.”

 

“I couldn’t. You know that.”

 

“Funny how others can stand to be around me even if they can’t have me in their bed.” If Angel could blush he would have been scarlet. “Some people can love me and not even count on a kiss but they stay and have my back,” she shot a side glance at Spike.

 

“Spike?” Angel looked gobsmacked as did Spike but for different reasons. “You’re seriously comparing me with that moron? Our love with whatever it is he thinks he feels?”

 

“Spike acts like someone who loves me. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck … I’m calling duck.”

 

“Yeah well that idiot just …”

 

“I’m not discussing Spike with you Angel. This is about you and how you don’t have anything to offer. Your place isn’t here, hasn’t been for a long time. Go home.”

 

“Buffy there’s this prophecy I want to tell you about. It’s part of my destiny…”

 

“You’re right, you have a destiny and it has nothing to do with me or mine.”

 

“But it does!” Angel looked desperate. “Once I’ve fulfilled all the things I have to do to prove myself I’ll Shanshu.”

 

“I’m not caring much about your horseshoes or whatever this prophecy thing is. I’m pretty well done with prophecies all together. They never work out the way you expect them to anyway. Besides I’m not too interested in putting my life on hold until you do this whole proving thing. I’m not going to live for centuries like you already have.” Buffy sighed heavily. “Like I said, you are my past.”

 

“And Spike is your future?” He looked agast. 

 

“I didn’t say that. I’m doing good just to figure out today. Maybe Spike will be in my future, maybe not. I really don’t know. What I DO know is that what we had is over. We aren’t the same people in any way. I don’t know you, Angel, and if tonight is any indication I don’t think I want to.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Angel huffed completely affronted.

 

“You should get going if you want to get to your home and loved ones before sunrise.”

 

“Buffy you’re my loved one.”

 

Buffy raised an eyebrow while Spike snorted in disbelief.

 

“But you’re not mine, now any longer. You were a teenage girls fantasy but I haven’t been her in a long time. Longer than even I knew I guess. I’m a grown up woman with grown up woman’s responsibilities. Maybe it’s time for you to grow up too.”

 

Angel looked at the sky, calculating the time before the sun would make an appearance. ‘Once I Sanshu and Spike has messed things up like he always does she’ll be mine again,’ he reasoned. “Fine. You know where to reach me if you need me.” He shot a longing look back at Buffy as he headed for his car.

 

Buffy and Spike looked at one another in silence neither sure just what to say to the other for a moment.

 

Since the evening’s drama appeared to be at an end the Scoobies, Giles and Dawn retreated to the house. None of them were particularly anxious to test Buffy’s mood. No one could remember her ever really being angry with Angel before. Hurt yes but not angry. No one was sure just what that meant or who else might be on the wrong end of her displeasure.

 

Buffy turned to face Spike fully. “You made some good points there Spike. Don’t know how you can but it’s pretty obvious you can love and that you do love me … and Dawn.”

 

“Been sayin’ that for quite a while now. What makes you finally believe me?”

 

“My mom used to say that actions speak louder than words. Your actions have been pretty much screaming at least since Glory used you as a pinata. I just had to actually open my eyes to see … or maybe that’s my ears to hear. Open something anyway.”

 

Spike looked dumbfounded. Of all the things he expected from this night’s confrontation the last thing he would have anticipated would be for Buffy to finally accept that his emotions were real. Suddenly his look changed to complete and utter awe as Buffy continued.

 

“Thanks for everything you did for Dawnie and for the gang while I was dead, Spike. It matters.”

She felt a bit odd seeing the way he was looking at her just because she had bothered to thank him. It bordered on worship and she wasn’t sure how that made her feel.

 

“Don’t need to thank me Buffy. I’m sorry I didn’t do right on that tower. If I had you’d have been here takin’ care of ‘em yourself.”

 

Buffy remembered Spike’s confession right after she had been resurrected. Seems he was still blaming himself for her death. “And you’d probably have been there helping. Look Spike, I can’t say I love you. I can’t say what I feel, not sure if I feel anything much at all about anyone or anything right now to be honest. Mostly I just feel overwhelmed.”

 

Spike shook his head as if to clear it, “Anything I can help with?”

 

Buffy let out a short burst of laughter, the first he’d heard since her return. “Any career advice? Giles gave me a check to help but it won’t do more than let me tread water a bit longer. There’s a stack of bills in there,” she pointed towards the house, “big enough to bury me all over again and I don’t think I can dig my way out of that grave.”

 

Spike cocked his head to one side and looked like he was in deep thought.

 

Finally he grinned, “How do you feel about digging? Seem to remember a nice pile of shiny’s that might fetch a decent amount. Might even put you and the Bit through Uni and then some. Pretty positive could slay that pile of bills that’s got you troubled.

 

Buffy blinked and then remembered something about a whole treasure that Spike had uncovered a couple of years earlier. “I’ll bring the shovels.”

 

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Spike quoted.

 

“Really? Casablanca?” Buffy giggled.

 

“Not gonna start singin’ the bloody Marseillaise,” Spike vowed.

 

Buffy gave him a chuckle and headed towards the house clearly expecting him to join her.

 

“I saw that film when it was first released, pet. Yours isn’t the first generation to do movie quotes you know.” He bumped his shoulder into Buffy’s good naturedly. “Now about that excavation plan……”

 

~fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one line of dialogue from the classic film Casablanca, screenplay by: Julius Epstein, Philip Epstein, Howard Koch, Casey Robinson.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Notes:  
> Prelude begins at the end of Angel Season2 episode: No Place Like Prtz Glrb (Written by David Greenwalt) and borrows bits of dialog from it.
> 
> Also some borrowed dialogue from Angel season 3 episode: Carpe Noctem (written by Scott Murphy)
> 
> It also covers the time between seasons 5 and 6 on BtVS


End file.
